"Phaedrus"

on days when "Phaedrus" wakes up instead of me
when my mind is gone to a stranger
not even you are present
an unknown character laying beside me
i see myself in the mirror and don't really know who i am
he takes over my mind
my thoughts
he secludes me in a dark room
my heart is uneasy, black and hard like a volcanic rock.
He manages to appear
the unwanted visit
strange fruit
Now i know is "Phaerdus" and not me
he is the sad felling on a Sunday morning
not me
sometimes in the middle of the day he trays to take over
my vision gets impaired
tachycardia is present
and i start going away
far away
"hug me" i say
"talk to me cuz i'm going"
"just stay close, PLEASE" i say
others times he comes in my sleep
and there is nothing left to do
in wake up him
mean
lonely
that scares me the most cuz i have no option
i fight him
i think about me
but in the dark there is no voice
i open photo albums
or draw a piece, a character
i listen to old music or play my favorite video game
those days i try to be by my self
a sailor
i don't want you to see me
to feel me
cuz im not there
im not me
i battle
i fight
but sometimes the wall is to high
and im so short
the worm ate into my brain