.:to isa:.

i don't have the right answer
I'm not you and i don't think the same way you do, however i can tell you what i have experienced and maybe you find advice in my words.
In my darkest hours in life, i cried, i cursed, i drank, i cried more, i drank more, i stayed alone inside of me, inside my nightmare, i mourn, i grieved, i felt apart, i felt weak, hopeless, sad, destroyed, i felt and felt and felt a gamma of fellings i had never experienced, i had never thought lived inside of me, of any human being. then i became aware, aware that i was lost, that all this things happening inside of me, were there, and were carving a new person a stronger one, but still, it hurt.
i saw the darkest part of me, the mean, the horrible, the senseless, the mad, the bitter, the lonely, the helpless, the useless, the dead. i saw dead inside of me, in my heart, in my soul.
i felt comfort in being sad
i liked it, i and agreed to coexist with it, inside of me, pitifully.
disgusting.
then i realized, that i had lost myself to my dark self, not to her, not to anybody but myself, she would have been sad and angry and disappointed to see me that way.
i tried to hide it, to me, to all.
i grew paranoid
felt paranoia of not being able to find myself again, to find love, to find joy, to find fiends, to find candor, to find myself.
paranoia excluded me from any activity, from any feeling, from living, and i grew lonelier, much lonelier than before, sadder, much sadder.
that's where "paranoia enforces loneliness" came from. ( was and is part of my life)
the worst loss one can have in this life, is loosing itself, not a loved person, not your mom, not your son, but your self. because time, time cures it all, indeed!, you might never forget, but you'll understand and the pain will lessen.
but loosing yourself, nothing cures that, nothing makes sense, nothing tastes, nothing smells, nothing feels, nothing, NOTHING.
and that, that right there is being dead. DEAD.
for a moment in my life i was dead, what a horrible way to live life, dead.
that's when it struck me
i didnt hide it anymore, if i had to cry i cried, if i had to drink i drank, if i had to talk about it i talked, i didn't search for me, i lived me, i didn't look for answers i felt moments, i tried to be as true to myself as possible without feeling ashamed, just being completely transparent, and little by little candor enter to my life.
candor ends paranoia,
my parents gave me this life, for me to live it, and so i did.
life is granted for every living persons, until death that is.
but life is just that, life, a moment of time in a body, a piece of matter in this universe, the rest is up to you.
making life a journey to live for, is a task that only you can perform.
"the magic was given to all, but not always used".

after that i met you, and you know how this ends
there is no morality in this words just a sincere recap if my own life.
i love you

.:yo soy:.

a veces me da por escribir
escribir palabras que ni yo entiendo
frases que de mis manos nacen y solas se teclean
a veces me da por llorar
lagrimas que nunca habia conocido
distintos sentimientos que de mis ojos brotan
y me queman el alma
la tatuan y forman a emir
a veces ni dormir puedo
pienso y pienso en ti
en esos dias
en aquel timepo
en el "como diablos"
a veces nada pasa
y me muero, en mi vacio
en el abismo
solo
de nada mas que de mi
y pensar que todo esto pasa en una vida
en cada persona
en cada ser
aquietate y escucha
yo soy dios

.:predictable men:.

when a man is sad, its always a girl problem
when a man is stressed, its always a money problem

.:our poetry:.

i got moving on my mind
walking in a winter wonderland
relax take a deep breath and feel me
split ended sentences made her twisted so she cut off all her hair and reminiced
we are the sticky kind
cafune candomble
kiss me know
fish rained from the sky
the most beautiful eyes i'll ever see
wet skin
wipe your feet on my dreams
radio gogo
and i would do it again
a girl asks her father, if the subway cars go upside down, will everyone fall, and he says no it wont, not if it turns
feels like saudade
uma geisha na praia

.:el sol:.

ja
el sol
el rey de los astros de nuestro sistema.
el que quema, el que todo lo alumbra
el que nos da la vida
pobre de el
aun siendo el rey
jamas ha disfrutado de una noche
una noche contigo
en tus brazos
entre tus piernas
con la luna con el mar
solo una noche de locura
ni siquiera una

"I mean to rule the earth,
As he the sky--
We really know our worth,
The sun and I!"
yum-yum

.:fuego:.

me caga cuando siento esta desesperacion
este astio dentro de mi, me quema las orejas
a mi abuela le daba de noche, en la panza y no podia dormir
yo ponsaba "ahh esta loca"
disculpame Paro, disculpame
yo tambien lo siento
entre el pecho y la panza, ahi, donde se siente el miedo donde se siente el amor.
me da cuando no me encuentro, cuando me abandono en algun bar o en algun cuerpo
tu cuerpo, el que extranho tanto
o en un pensamiento, en alguen que no esta.
pero porque te quedas fuera de mi, alma mia?
porque me dejas solo delirante, mientras tu te emborrachas
te llenas de placer de cinturas de tetas
mientras yo me ahogo en el lodo
en la mierda
ja
pinche beats
con razon chupas tanto
eso a mi ya no me llena, me deja cada vez mas vacio
con menos recuerdos tuyos y mas porquerias
pero regresa a mi alma mia!!
a tu cuerpo a tu ser, para vivir de nuevo experiencias inolviables, hasta que te enamores de nuevo y me vuevas a abandonar a emborracharte a perderte
mientras yo , con el pecho en llamas te salga a buscar

.:our luck:.

we are so lucky
up there, above the clouds, its always sunny
out there, beyond this earth, its always dark
down here, in our home, we've got it all
sunshine, rain, darkness...

.:express:.

how do i explain her how beautiful she is?
how can i find words to describe a feeling i have inside?
a feeling i can't even see, smell nor touch,
and still make her feel what i feel.
how?
language is beautiful but short
words are lush but soulless
phrases are strong but mortal
none of these will ever express your beauty
none of these will ever touch your soul
none of these will ever endure my love
how can i compare when there is no comparison
is like finishing something that yet needs to be started
how do i let you know that it is real
that it is alive
that it is here, inside of me!
with my lips?
with my hands?
with my eyes?
can they communicate?
how?

.:wow:.

how do i express this to a blind person?

.:watch out:.

sometimes is very important to go back in order to advance
you know..
look where you came from and understand where you are going
back to basics
but it could be a very dangerous step
cuz in the conclusion of your route, at the end of your search
things could get lost or suddenly realize that things have been missplaced
or that some others just do not belong any more
one should be careful of what one desires
you will loose a lot
and gain few

.:on your way:.

Last night i saw the moon drown into the pacific.
slowly, impotent, helpless..
it just disappeared.
i know that at the moment i lost it out of sight,
in your horizon , a new moon emerged.
that moon
the same one i saw
the one with the rabbit

.:little prince:.

one day, out of nowhere
you appeared in my life
with that smile, with those eyes
so beautiful!, the most beautiful i've ever seen
with that heart full of joy
with that mind full of questions
passionate, curious
so curious you made me curious
curious of how i had become the person i am now,
and left behind the kid inside of me.
how did i let my dreams behind?
why?
then as you came
you left
like that
and i am so grateful i had the chance to meet you
cuz you changed my mind forever
inside out
you taught me that there is always time to enjoy
that the earth is a great place to live
to be a better me without leaving me behind
to appreciate the sunset and feel the sunrise
to be passionate, to feel my body
to be me
to risk it all cuz any adventure is worth the try
worth leaving for
you brought life into my life

never trade your heart
never

.:what's it gonna be:.

i hope i'm not making a mistake
i hope i'm not wrong
i hope that when i kissed you, i did it cuz i wanted,
cuz i wanted to feel your lips
breathe your breath
taste your soul.
i hope it was that way, and not an escape,
escape from me
from my mind
from my troubles.
i hope that when i touched you, i did it cuz i desired you,
dreamed you,
wanted to feel the warmth inside of you
and not, that i was trying to forget another body
another flavor,
that past favorite meal
i hope that when i woke up next to you, i did it completely rested,
after a good dream
with that sense of safety
of home
and not cuz i was afraid of sleeping alone
of having nightmares
of being cold

i hope I'm not making a mistake
i hope I'm not wrong

but if i am
i'll do it all over again

.:mi destino:.

es extranho
pero las mujeres faciles,
esas que tienen mas de 50 nombres en sus listas,
simpre vuelven a mi
no porque sea el mejor sexo que han tenido
sino porque soy el pendejo ese que se las coje con amor.

Ja!
al final del dia todos necesitamos de eso

soy un hombre raro
me gustan las cosas grandes como el amor y esas mierdas

.:nefernefernefer:.

"- Eres obstinado, sinuhe - me dijo-
pero yo soy una mujer honrada y mantengo mis promesas.
Toma, pues, lo que has venido a buscar.
Se tendio en la cama y me abrio los brazos,
pero no hallo el menor placer en mi;
volvio la cabeza para mirarse en el espejo y ahogaba sus bostezos con una mano, de manera que el goce que esperaba se convirtio para mi en cenizas.
Mi corazon era como una piedra en mi pecho
duro y pesado, negro
no latia.-"

sinuhe, el egipcio


Ja
mierda
todos tenemos nuestra nefernefernefer
simpre ha sido asi y siempre lo sera.

.:eu tenho saudades de voce:.

you left me like that
abused
like the gum you spit as soon as the flavor is gone
you left me like that
with a mouthful of you
of your breath
covered in blood
like a corpse after the war
that stench!!
ha!
what the fuck am i supposed to do
how do i explain my self what just happened
if i have no idea of what just happened
and now, now you are gone
where are you? who are you with?,
you won't spare
but that's ok
i really don't care
you left me like that
with my mind in the toilet
swirling in the infinite whirlpool of thoughts
of a long night that lasted for days and days
nauseous
if i could have you again..
will it hurt?
eu tenho saudades de voce
voce


..your phone is off
i know what that means
you left me like that..

.:L.E.S.:.

..guey a donde vamos??

no se... donde sea...
llevame a donde haya mujeres de cascos ligeros..

.:ja:.

lo nuestro duro,
lo que duran dos cubos de hielo
en un "whiskey on the rocks"

.:la mujer que yo quiero:.

por acostarte conmigo,
la gente dice que eres la mas puta entre todas las mujeres.
Ja!!
yo digo que no,
para mi eres la mas mujer entre todas las putas.

.:kid:.

it will take me 19 days and 500 nights,
to get you off my mind

.:watch out:.

sometimes is very important to go back in order to advance
you know..
look where you came from and understand where you are going
back to basics
but it could be a very dangerous step
cuz in the conclusion of your route, at the end of your search
things could get lost or suddenly realize that things have been missplaced
or that some other just not belong any more
one should be careful of what one desires
you will loose a lot
and gain few

.:mis colores:.

es raro
cuando no estas conmigo
me muero por llamarte, hablarte
contarte de mi
mis cosas
mis razones
cerca de tus labios
tu espalda
se que te encantaria

cuando estoy a tu lado
me aturdo
me lleno de ideas, palabras
balbuceos indescifrables
al pundo de sentirme extrano
ajeno
monocromatico.

.:loco corazon:.

...estas a 8 cuadras
de mis mejores ganas de tocarte...

.:donde estoy:.

a vece la melancolia me mata
solo pienso en lo que fue,
en lo que sentia aquellos dias
el atarceder, en mi rostro, caliente
el viento, hacia que mis brazos se pusieran chinitos
"se siente como domingo.." pensaba
hoy no siento eso, no tengo porque
y eso me da miedo
ayer las cosas que hacia las hacia por gusto, porque era yo
hoy las hago por vivir
por comer
ya se que el ayer nunca vendra
ya se que deberia hacer lo que me gusta
pero hay tantos factores que me lo impiden
ahora ya no estoy solo
gente depende de mi

ayer sonhaba contigo
en como meterme a tu casa
sin que nadie se diera cuenta
despues de una fiesta al aire libre
de esas donde la gente vomitaba entre los arbustos
tocarte
con aliento alcoholico y mis manos temblorosas

ayer me borregueaba con el perfume de la lata a media noche
con la adrenalina al tope
mientras el frio me penetraba
pero me gustaba estar ahi
solo
ahora, no hay latas, no hay frio, no hay nada
en las calles solo hay gente que conozco
ya no me puedo esconder
ya no puedo debrallar y ni siquiera tengo la fuerza para hacerlo
(eso me mata)
me gustaria volverlo a vivir
ese tiempo
donde era fuerte
joven
sin miedo
ahora
ahora todo es diferente
todo es lo contrario
vivo con temor
en un lugar donde dicha libertad no existe
todo mundo sabe lo que haces
y todo lo que haces esta mal

quiero volver a entregarme
quiero volver a enamorarte
asi
alocadamente
entre la tarde y la escarcha
si solo me dieras esas horas
si solo supieras lo que algun dia fui
a lo mejor hoy no te parezca tan patetico
tan viejo
tan otro

.:palin:.

her policies, if any, are ludicrous.
pit bull in lipstick???
PURE demagogy.
are US politics that poor?
i feel like i'm in Mexico..
i'm so ashamed.

God Bless America

.:$$:.

when the money is so thick
it makes you heart go numb,
it makes your mind get sick

.:hey doc:.

its just a prostate infection..
why don't you try jerking off a bit more frequent....

.:balance:.

.-there is nothing impossible

well i know what you mean, i used to think that way, but i have come to the conclusion that a lot of things are impossible to do.
you know, to keep the balance

.- i don't know, i still think that everything is possible

well, no one can unscramble scrambled-eggs

.- ...hmmm..., that's a tough one.....

.:hmm:.

well, if we go back enough
we all come from the same monkey...

.:growing up:.

when we are kids
we have lots of friends,
then when we grow up
every one goes on its own direction,
and at the end
if we are lucky we get stock with one woman
and maybe one friend.

.:cake:.

when you sleep,
where do your fingers go?

.:neon:.

el timepo vuela
hace 3 dias, me levantaba temprano
nervioso,
con ganas de levantarme pero con mucho miedo de salir
escuchaba "hot music form the 20's and 30's" mientras mopeaba el piso de condesa
servia cafe con una sonrisa
mientras que en mi espalda la angustia me taladraba hasta los huesos
estaba motivado por mi nueva aventura,
pero aterrado del proceso
hace 6 dias te recojia del hard rock cafe
tomamos mucho y nos reimos..
hace 10 dias C.R.E.A.M. (cash rules everything around me)

hoy... nada es igual

no hay nada eretno
no puedo parar

.:nostalgia:.

some times i get nostalgia attacks
like a brumey chilly sunday morning
like something bad or sad that happened
or someone that never came and im still waiting for
maybe like time has stopped and im all by myself
this days i feel like smoking

.:calderon:.

Jamas seras mi Presidente.