.:to isa:.

i don't have the right answer
I'm not you and i don't think the same way you do, however i can tell you what i have experienced and maybe you find advice in my words.
In my darkest hours in life, i cried, i cursed, i drank, i cried more, i drank more, i stayed alone inside of me, inside my nightmare, i mourn, i grieved, i felt apart, i felt weak, hopeless, sad, destroyed, i felt and felt and felt a gamma of fellings i had never experienced, i had never thought lived inside of me, of any human being. then i became aware, aware that i was lost, that all this things happening inside of me, were there, and were carving a new person a stronger one, but still, it hurt.
i saw the darkest part of me, the mean, the horrible, the senseless, the mad, the bitter, the lonely, the helpless, the useless, the dead. i saw dead inside of me, in my heart, in my soul.
i felt comfort in being sad
i liked it, i and agreed to coexist with it, inside of me, pitifully.
disgusting.
then i realized, that i had lost myself to my dark self, not to her, not to anybody but myself, she would have been sad and angry and disappointed to see me that way.
i tried to hide it, to me, to all.
i grew paranoid
felt paranoia of not being able to find myself again, to find love, to find joy, to find fiends, to find candor, to find myself.
paranoia excluded me from any activity, from any feeling, from living, and i grew lonelier, much lonelier than before, sadder, much sadder.
that's where "paranoia enforces loneliness" came from. ( was and is part of my life)
the worst loss one can have in this life, is loosing itself, not a loved person, not your mom, not your son, but your self. because time, time cures it all, indeed!, you might never forget, but you'll understand and the pain will lessen.
but loosing yourself, nothing cures that, nothing makes sense, nothing tastes, nothing smells, nothing feels, nothing, NOTHING.
and that, that right there is being dead. DEAD.
for a moment in my life i was dead, what a horrible way to live life, dead.
that's when it struck me
i didnt hide it anymore, if i had to cry i cried, if i had to drink i drank, if i had to talk about it i talked, i didn't search for me, i lived me, i didn't look for answers i felt moments, i tried to be as true to myself as possible without feeling ashamed, just being completely transparent, and little by little candor enter to my life.
candor ends paranoia,
my parents gave me this life, for me to live it, and so i did.
life is granted for every living persons, until death that is.
but life is just that, life, a moment of time in a body, a piece of matter in this universe, the rest is up to you.
making life a journey to live for, is a task that only you can perform.
"the magic was given to all, but not always used".

after that i met you, and you know how this ends
there is no morality in this words just a sincere recap if my own life.
i love you

.:yo soy:.

a veces me da por escribir
escribir palabras que ni yo entiendo
frases que de mis manos nacen y solas se teclean
a veces me da por llorar
lagrimas que nunca habia conocido
distintos sentimientos que de mis ojos brotan
y me queman el alma
la tatuan y forman a emir
a veces ni dormir puedo
pienso y pienso en ti
en esos dias
en aquel timepo
en el "como diablos"
a veces nada pasa
y me muero, en mi vacio
en el abismo
solo
de nada mas que de mi
y pensar que todo esto pasa en una vida
en cada persona
en cada ser
aquietate y escucha
yo soy dios

.:predictable men:.

when a man is sad, its always a girl problem
when a man is stressed, its always a money problem

.:our poetry:.

i got moving on my mind
walking in a winter wonderland
relax take a deep breath and feel me
split ended sentences made her twisted so she cut off all her hair and reminiced
we are the sticky kind
cafune candomble
kiss me know
fish rained from the sky
the most beautiful eyes i'll ever see
wet skin
wipe your feet on my dreams
radio gogo
and i would do it again
a girl asks her father, if the subway cars go upside down, will everyone fall, and he says no it wont, not if it turns
feels like saudade
uma geisha na praia

.:el sol:.

ja
el sol
el rey de los astros de nuestro sistema.
el que quema, el que todo lo alumbra
el que nos da la vida
pobre de el
aun siendo el rey
jamas ha disfrutado de una noche
una noche contigo
en tus brazos
entre tus piernas
con la luna con el mar
solo una noche de locura
ni siquiera una

"I mean to rule the earth,
As he the sky--
We really know our worth,
The sun and I!"
yum-yum

.:fuego:.

me caga cuando siento esta desesperacion
este astio dentro de mi, me quema las orejas
a mi abuela le daba de noche, en la panza y no podia dormir
yo ponsaba "ahh esta loca"
disculpame Paro, disculpame
yo tambien lo siento
entre el pecho y la panza, ahi, donde se siente el miedo donde se siente el amor.
me da cuando no me encuentro, cuando me abandono en algun bar o en algun cuerpo
tu cuerpo, el que extranho tanto
o en un pensamiento, en alguen que no esta.
pero porque te quedas fuera de mi, alma mia?
porque me dejas solo delirante, mientras tu te emborrachas
te llenas de placer de cinturas de tetas
mientras yo me ahogo en el lodo
en la mierda
ja
pinche beats
con razon chupas tanto
eso a mi ya no me llena, me deja cada vez mas vacio
con menos recuerdos tuyos y mas porquerias
pero regresa a mi alma mia!!
a tu cuerpo a tu ser, para vivir de nuevo experiencias inolviables, hasta que te enamores de nuevo y me vuevas a abandonar a emborracharte a perderte
mientras yo , con el pecho en llamas te salga a buscar

.:our luck:.

we are so lucky
up there, above the clouds, its always sunny
out there, beyond this earth, its always dark
down here, in our home, we've got it all
sunshine, rain, darkness...

.:express:.

how do i explain her how beautiful she is?
how can i find words to describe a feeling i have inside?
a feeling i can't even see, smell nor touch,
and still make her feel what i feel.
how?
language is beautiful but short
words are lush but soulless
phrases are strong but mortal
none of these will ever express your beauty
none of these will ever touch your soul
none of these will ever endure my love
how can i compare when there is no comparison
is like finishing something that yet needs to be started
how do i let you know that it is real
that it is alive
that it is here, inside of me!
with my lips?
with my hands?
with my eyes?
can they communicate?
how?

.:wow:.

how do i express this to a blind person?

.:watch out:.

sometimes is very important to go back in order to advance
you know..
look where you came from and understand where you are going
back to basics
but it could be a very dangerous step
cuz in the conclusion of your route, at the end of your search
things could get lost or suddenly realize that things have been missplaced
or that some others just do not belong any more
one should be careful of what one desires
you will loose a lot
and gain few

.:on your way:.

Last night i saw the moon drown into the pacific.
slowly, impotent, helpless..
it just disappeared.
i know that at the moment i lost it out of sight,
in your horizon , a new moon emerged.
that moon
the same one i saw
the one with the rabbit