"Phaedrus"

on days when "Phaedrus" wakes up instead of me
when my mind is gone to a stranger
not even you are present
an unknown character laying beside me
i see myself in the mirror and don't really know who i am
he takes over my mind
my thoughts
he secludes me in a dark room
my heart is uneasy, black and hard like a volcanic rock.
He manages to appear
the unwanted visit
strange fruit
Now i know is "Phaerdus" and not me
he is the sad felling on a Sunday morning
not me
sometimes in the middle of the day he trays to take over
my vision gets impaired
tachycardia is present
and i start going away
far away
"hug me" i say
"talk to me cuz i'm going"
"just stay close, PLEASE" i say
others times he comes in my sleep
and there is nothing left to do
in wake up him
mean
lonely
that scares me the most cuz i have no option
i fight him
i think about me
but in the dark there is no voice
i open photo albums
or draw a piece, a character
i listen to old music or play my favorite video game
those days i try to be by my self
a sailor
i don't want you to see me
to feel me
cuz im not there
im not me
i battle
i fight
but sometimes the wall is to high
and im so short
the worm ate into my brain

.:la despedida:.

i don't think we ever left each other
we didn't say bye
although i miss you this much
i feel you are within me, under my skin, on my flesh
in my heart
i see you in dreams and dream of seeing you
i hear you in voices and feel you in things
i am here with you
you are there with me
faraway so close
always warm
always us

.:wine key:.

so we said bye
we hugged and each went its way
i was going downtown that day
she was going away
i stand on the station platform waiting for the train,
trying to digest what had happened.
i was not sad
i was not worried
she saw me and we had talk,
maybe not the kinda talk you wanna have but at least
we talked

- Stop!! (someone yells)
- Wait!!

it was her

- I forgot to give you this..
and she handed me the keys and a wine key

- i know its your favorite, she said
then she ran away

the wine key
that fucking wine key i gave her so much shit about
she would take it to work and i would get mad

- don't lose it cuz i really like it, i said
- seriously take any other but not that!

she always took that one

i would had lost it the first shift
but then again she is not me (i always think ppl think like me)
she was never gonna lose it
she never did

.:just you:.

i don't know what it was
i cant remember well how it all started
the golden cinnamon skin
in the white sanded sheets
the skol flavored lips
the 3, 2, 1 and our hands grip
i don't know
maybe it was just you

i don't know how it happened
how things fall into place
maybe it was that day in itaparica
or at that fair when i was 8 and you were 6
and you had cotton candy all over your mouth
or just the sunset on the roof
i dont know..
but i fell for you

was it your eyes, those beautiful stars that your dad caught?
was it your mouth?
was it that stupor in the air that made me loose my soul

it could have been just you

was it luck? magic?
was it the inexplicable result of true believe
i brought the sun just for you
i found the grain of sand i was looking for in praia da barra
remember?


it could have been just you

or that pelourinho dream
where everything was right
where everything was in harmony
the buzz of that multiple mix barrel drink
capoeira, saudades, skol, pandeiro,
you and me
just you and me

i can't tell what it was
i don't know how it happened

i just felt it inside of me
i feel you
very close
very deep
just you