.:por siempre:.

"No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see it through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sorrow that comes to us without warning"

Haruiki Murakami. Norwegian Wood

The perfect ending to this piece-of-shit story!

.- Joel Barish

.:done:.

there is no greater pleasure than self achievements...

.:murakami:.

“But i didn’t understand then. That i could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair”
- Haruki Murakami

.:alone:.

I desperately look for attention when I’m with someone.
I desperately fix myself when im a lone,
in order to be with me.

.:thank you:.

Feeling like shit this year, i usually like the holidays, but this one i don’t even feel myself. Its been a tough year.
holidays are supposed to be spent around the people you love or at least the once you care about the most. i have alienated myself from all of them, and now im here just by myself with my stupid computer and a glass of wine.
i guess that would be my love

.:too fast:.

Met a girl at a bar last night, we had drinks giggles and danced, we made out at the counter like there was no tomorrow. We had a late night snack and went to her place, had sex all night long and then a cigarette. Woke up early this morning and went to buy groceries, cooked a kick ass brunch and cuddle on her couch. Talked about family affairs and life. Later on she sent me a Facebook friend request. I told her, darling you are going too fast….

.:just found:.

".....glass half empty, glass half fullwe broke the glass emir we swam in the ocean emir
we took each other places emir, ugly and crazy and beautiful, more beautiful than we will ever go, because somewhere in our souls, we understand each other.
we love each other.
we want to stay, because of a look in the other's eyes, or a crook in the other's smile.
we will stay, even if we leave each other, we will be together."

just found your letter on my laptop
made me cry

.:me:.

the best thing about sorrow
is finding yourself at the bottom of the well

.:regrese:.

a la maldicion del cajon sin su ropa...

.:paro:.

...que razon tenias amparo!!

.:zapatos:.

te envío mis zapatos por correo
para que los uses y
pongas mis pies en tus pies

la próxima vez que bailes
hasta creerás que estas conmigo

.:kid:.

wish we could have talked

.:asi:.

cuando te veo asi
con tus ojos asi
y te huelo ahi
y te siento aqui
cuando te acercas a mi
con tu boca asi
y tu pelo asi
y te quiero ahi
cuando te vas de mi
con tus ojos asi

.:conmigo:.

Creo que me cayo muy bien que me dejaras
me siento bien,
me veo mejor en el espejo.
Estoy lleno de suenhos, de deseos, de ideas.
Paso el tiempo creando nuevos caminos
y menos pensando en los que deje de recorrer contigo.
Estas justo donde querias estar
lejos, sola.
Alla, en el olvido.
y yo, cada dia mas conmigo.

.: o Leaozinho:.

"Gosto muito de te ver leãozinho
Caminhando sob o sol
Gosto muito de você leãozinho
Para desentristecer leãozinho
O meu coração tão só
Basta eu encontrar você no caminho
Um filhote de leão, raio da manhã
Arrastando o meu olhar como um ímã
O meu coração é o sol, pai de toda cor
Quando ele lhe dura a pele ao leão
Gosto de te ver ao sol leãozinho
De ter ver entrar no mar
Tua pele, tua luz, tua juba
Gosto de ficar ao sol leãozinho
De molhar minha juba
De estar perto de você
E entrar numa"

Caetano Veloso

.:let her go:.

“Let her go into the darkness, let her learn from all the things there” nathan-james

.:is this it:.

Back to basics i always say, and here i am, down in Mexico.
My mind is a mess, just like a tangle knitting yarn,
but family always feels right, especially when the spirits ain't high.
Saw some old friends and made me realize how far apart one can grow.
Its scary,
we have absolutely nothing in common,
apart that stupid joke i said in 7th grade,
or the girl we all kissed, which by the way is also something to forget.
Met new people which makes me feel like there is hope,
and that at the end, everything will be alright.
she is where she wants to be, far away,
and i
i am slowly finding myself.

.:pizzeria kamikaze:.

“Creo que ella lloro en mi entierro; no es que quiera darmelas
de listo pero estoy casi seguro se ello. A veces hasta consigo
imaginarme como le habla de mi, de mi muerte, a alguien
cercano a ella. De como me bajaron a la tumba, tan menudo y
desamparado, como una tableta de chocolate rancio. De como,
en realidad nunca llegamos a hacerlo del todo. Y despues de eso
el se la coge brindandole un revolcon que es todo consauelo.”

— Etgar Keret 

.:my love:.

i feel my love has been shot down cold blood,
now i wonder what went wrong
retracing all of our days looking for my faults
i find sleepless nights and none of them yours

.:9.11.01:.

Our nation, this generation, will lift the dark threat of violence from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not falter and we will not fail.

George W. Bush

.:la verdad:.

uno es uno y ya.

.:kid:.

para ti, ni una lagrima mas.

.:nuk #X:.

Tu al igual que yo sabemos que el tiempo poco a poco va alejando la memoria y los sentimientos.
Es como ver una lanchita irse mar adrentro
como que quiere y como que no,
pero al final, de la vida se va.
Desaparece.
Nos queda en la idea pero ya no es tangible,
ni el dolor ni el sabor

.:fuck greece:.

I ask you;
"please, lets not have this conversation via email."
and what do you do??
you write me an email....
you cant even give me that?
I've given you time, space and freedom to do whatever you want.

that what is wrong??
...well... everything!

I'm so tired of waking up at 4 am and reading an email of yours that just keeps making me cry.
Leaving me with out being able to sleep.

I've been trying to put my life together,
little by little,
my restaurant, my family, my heart, my mind.
I don't want to keep going on this way.
Do you understand?

If you want to tell me something at least have the courage to call.
And please don't tell me its impossible, because that is bullshit!!
An email about a guy kissing you was the best you could do?
You drop a couple of lines justifying yourself and saying how it all went wrong??
yeah! i can tell you are sad,
i can tell you fell the same way i do. HA!
An email about how you went out with all your friends that you just met and that you all got drunk and dance and made out with someone.
But no it was not your fault????!!!

No one comes out of the bloom and gives you a kiss, no one!!
You probably flirted with him as you usually do, and you cant seem to control it.

You can't keep hiding, you have to learn to confront your problems,
and yes this is A problem.
CALL and tell me what happened, why it all started.
You can't be that coward
Please don't lie to yourself, all that's happening you brought it upon you,
open your eyes.
I've done nothing, not one single thing!
not one!!!

Every day i'm growing more confused and more doubtful about why i even talk to you
or care about you.
I don't want to be mad
I don't want to be bitter
I want to be a nice person the person that i am!
I am a nice, respectful and honest person.
That is Emir Dupeyron

.:what will it be:.

Maybe you can take me out sometime,
maybe you can invite me to dinner,
maybe you can buy me flowers, or a drink,
maybe you can kiss me without asking,
maybe tell me that you want me,
maybe you can write me a poem or sing me a song,
maybe you can just post a message on my Facebook,
maybe invite me to a concert or to the water front,
maybe you can make love to me.
Or maybe just none at all.

.:bellevue chronicles:.

that night, you didn't want to see me. you hadn't been wanting to for some time
and i felt like every day that passed, you drifted further and further away.
there i was in Brooklyn. hot summer night. sticky skin, heart broken.
with the curse of your empty drawers, a continuous reminder that you would never come back.
tried to call you in the middle of the night. i knew you were out, i knew you were happy
i was not. i wasn't well, juggling on the thin line of insanity.
the usual happened, u didn't answer. not for some time
shaking, shivering, hallucinating, dizzy, confused. that was me
that night i lost all.
i was having a panic attack, i suffer of those, and decided
the hospital was a better place to die, at least someone would notice.
you called back, you were out, you were having fun.
i was dying
shortly after you were there, confused and something else, only you know..
i was dying
they police took me to the doctor, and wouldn't let me go, after all it was a mental institution. i turned around while they walked me to a secluded area.
you were crying.
i was dying
at some point i felt i would never leave the joint, like a character in a garcia marquez short story.
here i am, writing it in my leaving room
still dying
and you? i wish you the best.

.:late night:.

i really like seeing your name on the screen of my cell phone

.:buda:.

While the sun hides behind Buda,
your silhouette slowly disappears into the darkens
of the nothing.

That far i cant touch you.

My hands melt and i look into the horizon,
red like blood,
with the smell of you.
But still that taste in my throat and that sting
makes me shiver.

The white heads walk frantically,
with a look of redemption.

At the end i don't want us to repent
but to have enjoyed

.:you are back:.

Dear catastrophe waitress
you are back

.:sorry i can't:.

Today you taught me a lesson;
don't let anything interfere with my life.
Including you.

.:brooklyn cold:.

The last time i was in Brooklyn was like 6 years ago.
That day i felt like smoking.
Today fells like that day,
it was cold although not this cold,
maybe November but i could not tell.
I didn't like to read back then, at least not books,
i was into blogs and i also had a friend.
Today i read books more often than blogs,
and my friend is no longer mine,
but the smoking part wont ever change.

.:asco:.

Como me caga perder mis identidades.
Me entrego tanto a las personas que amo que me vacian
se llevan todo de mi
y en ese despertar en ese momento estoy tan lleno de nada que me da asco.
mierda!

.:cold:.

Every night you pushed me further and further away,
ofcourse we didnt know that.
Until one day you woke up by your self
and I in her bed

.:500 nights:.

you are so much better than the girl of my dreams
you are real

.:fica comigo:.

I took the Rio Vermelho with me
to find my pleasures,
while you lay in the living room beyond my eyes
comfortably numb

.:let me kiss you all over:.

i loved to see her, to observe
her body
all of it, every curve,
every pore, every form, every line.
her beauty
kiss it
that! the she that only she could be
the unique
what makes us individuals
i loved to know every part of her
memorize it
to know her
the all
the most beautiful all i've ever seen

.:my whole world:.

"my whole world crumbling down
the pressure is on"
i feel so fuckin sad today
like something is ripping me apart, from inside out
my heart if heavy
once again so fuckin sad

.:get your own brain:.

You say : "'Ere thrice the sun done salutation to the dawn"
And you claim these words as your own
But I've read well, and I've heard them said
A hundred times (maybe less, maybe more)
If you must write prose/poems
The words you use should be your own
Don't plagiarise or take "on loan"
'Cause there's always someone, somewhere
With a big nose, who knows
And who trips you up and laughs
When you fall
Who'll trip you up and laugh
When you fall


A dreaded sunny day
So let's go where we're wanted
And I meet you at the cemetry gates

.:great expectations:.

i guess i should never expect you to be home when i come back,
i understand , you are not like that
you just wanna "respect" my space
i guess you'll never do that...

.:those were our times:.

sometime i don't know when
i stopped listening to Beirut

.:i give up:.

I'm so alone tonight
My bed feels larger than when I was small
Lost in memories
Lost in all the sheets and old pillows
So alone tonight
Miss you more than I will let you know
Miss the outline of your back
Miss you breathing down my neck
They're all out to get you
Once again they are all out to get you
Insecure, what you gonna do
Feel so small they could step on you
Called you up, answering machine
When the human touch
Is what is need

.:cell phone:.

the worst part of all is that i just wanted to call you
while i was peeing and ask you go pee too,
then at the same time flush the toilet
and experience and world whirlpooling in different directions

.:waschbee:.

you were so right!!
i was not me...

.:amor brasileiro:.

today i asked two people for advice
the first person a total stranger.
the second person is probably the one that knows me best in this world

only two words were mention to them
broken heart

this is her response.

"like an empty cloud
wound tight across two fingers
straining against each other,
will rip inevitably
shredding what was
really nothing to begin with"

this is his response.

RUN!

---------------------------------------

anayvelyse
dad

.:ivan:.

Boots are cool!!
I've always like my cowboy boots, i feel invincible when i wear them, like Ivan the rubber Tarzan inside the container. Oshkosh would notice that, and the trails we found those days would take us to the coolest caves. i forget why i sopped using them, i guess here cowboy boots aren't as well regarded as from where i come from..

"Phaedrus"

on days when "Phaedrus" wakes up instead of me
when my mind is gone to a stranger
not even you are present
an unknown character laying beside me
i see myself in the mirror and don't really know who i am
he takes over my mind
my thoughts
he secludes me in a dark room
my heart is uneasy, black and hard like a volcanic rock.
He manages to appear
the unwanted visit
strange fruit
Now i know is "Phaerdus" and not me
he is the sad felling on a Sunday morning
not me
sometimes in the middle of the day he trays to take over
my vision gets impaired
tachycardia is present
and i start going away
far away
"hug me" i say
"talk to me cuz i'm going"
"just stay close, PLEASE" i say
others times he comes in my sleep
and there is nothing left to do
in wake up him
mean
lonely
that scares me the most cuz i have no option
i fight him
i think about me
but in the dark there is no voice
i open photo albums
or draw a piece, a character
i listen to old music or play my favorite video game
those days i try to be by my self
a sailor
i don't want you to see me
to feel me
cuz im not there
im not me
i battle
i fight
but sometimes the wall is to high
and im so short
the worm ate into my brain

.:la despedida:.

i don't think we ever left each other
we didn't say bye
although i miss you this much
i feel you are within me, under my skin, on my flesh
in my heart
i see you in dreams and dream of seeing you
i hear you in voices and feel you in things
i am here with you
you are there with me
faraway so close
always warm
always us

.:wine key:.

so we said bye
we hugged and each went its way
i was going downtown that day
she was going away
i stand on the station platform waiting for the train,
trying to digest what had happened.
i was not sad
i was not worried
she saw me and we had talk,
maybe not the kinda talk you wanna have but at least
we talked

- Stop!! (someone yells)
- Wait!!

it was her

- I forgot to give you this..
and she handed me the keys and a wine key

- i know its your favorite, she said
then she ran away

the wine key
that fucking wine key i gave her so much shit about
she would take it to work and i would get mad

- don't lose it cuz i really like it, i said
- seriously take any other but not that!

she always took that one

i would had lost it the first shift
but then again she is not me (i always think ppl think like me)
she was never gonna lose it
she never did

.:just you:.

i don't know what it was
i cant remember well how it all started
the golden cinnamon skin
in the white sanded sheets
the skol flavored lips
the 3, 2, 1 and our hands grip
i don't know
maybe it was just you

i don't know how it happened
how things fall into place
maybe it was that day in itaparica
or at that fair when i was 8 and you were 6
and you had cotton candy all over your mouth
or just the sunset on the roof
i dont know..
but i fell for you

was it your eyes, those beautiful stars that your dad caught?
was it your mouth?
was it that stupor in the air that made me loose my soul

it could have been just you

was it luck? magic?
was it the inexplicable result of true believe
i brought the sun just for you
i found the grain of sand i was looking for in praia da barra
remember?


it could have been just you

or that pelourinho dream
where everything was right
where everything was in harmony
the buzz of that multiple mix barrel drink
capoeira, saudades, skol, pandeiro,
you and me
just you and me

i can't tell what it was
i don't know how it happened

i just felt it inside of me
i feel you
very close
very deep
just you